Tanya Lau writes from the trenches of life as a suburban mum.
DEAR Mr Kraft: I'm writing in response to your quest to name your new Vegemite blend. I respectfully suggest you call it YankeeMite. As in, if you attempt to make it more palatable, a YankeeMite eat it.
You blokes have never understood Vegemite, even if you have owned it since 1935. I suspect you've been scratching your heads in confusion for decades, trying to figure out how you made millions by buying up the recipe for a thick black, salty paste.
Now here you are, over 1 billion jars later, trying to broaden Vegemite's appeal.
Apparently you polled thousands of Australians and decided we needed this new namby-pamby Vegemite.
I say anyone who needs their Vegemite creamier and more ``spreadable'' should harden up, or swap to peanut butter.
This isn't the first time you've tried to mess with our national spread. Did you learn nothing from the Vegemite singles fiasco back in the early 1990s?
We could have told you no one wanted to eat cheese the colour of baby poo.
Apparently you thought anyone crazy enough to buy jars of brewers' yeast by-product would buy it pre-mixed with cheese. Not so.
We didn't fall for vegemite added to cheese 15 years ago and we won't fall for cheese added to Vegemite now.
We might choose to eat Vegemite with cheese, or poached eggs, or tomato, but any way we eat it, it's on our own terms.
Here's the thing about some of our cultural icons. Our koalas bite, our kangaroos dive in front of fast moving vehicles, and our Vegemite is considered inedible by anyone not raised on the stuff.
You must realise we like it this way.
The very fact that no one else likes it is what makes it uniquely Australian.
Ah, Vegemite. It looks like tar, but it tastes like home.
Hear, hear you Yanks! Leave Aussie products alone or we will bite you!
